The one about the condom

Eep!

Even though I'm not working, I hate Mondays. I think it stems from being a kid and knowing that, on Sunday night, that you're weekend is officially over and you have to go and do something productive. Blegh.

I've been on a huge manga kick and I promise that I will not bore you with that, however, I will tell you one of the things that kept me awake last night.

Does anyone remember the Friends episode in which Rachel and Monica fought over the last condom? It's the one where Ross and Rachel are fighting because she was talking about the animalistic sex that she and Paolo used to have + the episode in which Richard tells Monica he loves her?

Well if you don't, it's beside the point. The point is, we have two women in their late twenties who live in NYC (Greenwich Village) and are fighting over the last condom, each trying to bargain and plead.

This is my problem.

1. You live in the city, there is always a store open that sells condoms. If you don't want to go to your local deli or bodega, you can go to one of the sex shops or even the DVD place (we all know to which I am referring)

2. Are you not on birth control? Can one of you forsake the condom and just go at it raw?

3. Why isn't Richard or Ross carrying any condoms?

4. Why the hell is Ross ready to have the nastiest sex of his life with Rachel, knowing that his little sister is in the room next door??

Oh...things in which I ponder.

And on that note, happy Sunday. Here's something for you.

Brand new year and you got a what....?

Happy New Year folks!

I don't believe in resolutions because I have no discipline and will never follow them. HOWEVER. This year I have been challenged to be a little more up beat and less ...whiny (?) in this blog.

I am taking up the gauntlet. That means that I will need your help if I'm going to do an about face. I need someone to comment at least once a month so that I can tell if I'm being maudlin or not. How does that work?

Well, if someone comments that means that they've stuck around long enough to glean some sort of fascinating information from this blog which doesn't include how many drinks/tears/candles I've gone through.

et Voila?!


Anyhoo, this post will kick start the new Satellite Mind. I might even change the name, any ideas?

Besides animals plummeting to the earth (what the hell is that all about?) the Republicans taking control of the House (WTF?) and Australia being flooded, is there any good news for the world?

I've just discovered Angry Birds and Cityville. It's a dangerous dangerous slope that I'm treading on. One minute I'm trying to kill pigs and the next I'm trying to build a city.

I feel like a Roman Centurion.

And on that note, I have to catch a train but here's something to make you smile;



Nic Cage Interview on Season of the Witch

So You Forgot Cranberries too?

Ok let me just say for the record that I'm a great blogger after a few pints.

Sorry about that.

On the third point *the second point has conveniently left me*, I tend to write really awesome and insightful blog posts right as I lay my head down to the pillow; my husband "spooning" me and my last breath of wakefulness slipping into that sweet biorhythm of REM patterns (or something pre). Alas, alack, I have no self esteem and an even lower amount of discpline to jot down any of my genius thoughts that plague me at the pre-dawn.

But CJ, you are doing it now, writing before dawn.

Yah, I am. But I'm also about ten beers in, a slightly depressed mood in and I've got enough QVC in me to start my own retail center. Clearly, judgment is not my forte tonight.

And on that slightly dreary but very real note, good night all and have a Happy Christmas as it seems my track record is quite crappy.

I do like Amy Grant...so what?

I haven't published in over a month.

Disgraceful. Shameful and just flat out disgusting.

Yet, no one is complaining.

Still out of work and I'm not that upset about it, worried about money so I'm gonna saddle up and go back into the workforce.

It's not that I don't want to work, I just don't want to work in an office. I honestly would enjoy working at a bar, a small bookstore, a small start up company but you know what? I like to eat. I like to have a roof over my head and I need to be in the 'book money'.

I have finished chapter nine on el story, which is a good thing. I'm trying to work on the graphic novel that me and M are working on and my bird Mr. Wiggins is cute. So all that info crammed into your little brains for less than a penny.

Yippee.

Reading a lot of manga. Doing a lot of errands. Visiting a lot of libraries. Drinking a decent amount (bad) and having trouble sleeping. It's almost like I'm working again.

It's funny because once a week, while falling asleep, I think of a great blog post and even start writing it in my head. Then the next day comes (because while I will get out of bed to put on QVC and turn the fan toward me I will not write a blog post) I completely forget about it and this is why you've not heard from me in awhile.

Been getting a lot of nosebleeds.

Visited my old job today for a friend's birthday. Didn't get to see anyone on floor 20. Annoyed about that.

Just want to make people happy but really need to work on making myself happy first.

Make amazing chicken parmesan chicken fingers as well as a mean Margarita Cheesecake.

Going to be a pirate for Halloween this year :) Hope I win a prize.

And this concludes this month's rambling.

First Booze Cake Pic - Margarita Cheesecake

So I'm in love with the book "Booze Cakes" by Kristina Castella and Terry Long

It should be wrong to love a cookbook this much but I LOVE to bake. I don't know why. Maybe because it's soothing and 9 times out of 10, even if you screw up you can still have something sweet to eat at the end. I like that baking can be adaptable yet there must be certain absolutes. I suppose that if I had to sum myself up in a few words I'd say; "I'm like a recipe. Willing to adapt, am different in every situation but I will always need salt, baking powder and flour to work".

Anyway, this recipe is "Top-Shelf Margarita Cheesecake" as with every recipe I've adapted it a bit. Tweaked it where I didn't like a lot of an ingredient and so forth but pretty much kept to the laid out plans (all I really did was reduce the amount of lime zest because that shit just bugs me).

I'd give you the recipe but something tells me that you should just by or take the book out from the library. Trust me. If you like booze and you like cake, there isn't much that can go wrong here :)

Pics of the cheesecake before it becomes a full cheesecake:

Proof that I actually made this, because no one in their right mind would just randomly crack eggs for this purpose. You can also see my toaster oven, spice rack, flour on the counter and wine. And the beer.

The beer.

The batter.

Tomorrow you'll get the goods ;)

Random Thoughts on the subject of... thoughts?

It's turning into another sleepless night because try as I might I can't get my mind to power down.

I've bounced between wanting to make fried pickles, wondering when to start the new book I bought, when will I finish my chapter, what should happen next in my chapter (including running dialogue in my head), should I go watch a movie to calm down, what kind of movie, what's happening at my old job, missing the security of having a place to go to in the morning even though the last few months there were painful, why was it painful, what am I going to wear to the concert on Thursday, what time should I meet my friend, should I bring a purse, I have to pick up flour tomorrow, what should I bake, should I bake, what is this constant buzzing going on under the mattress, should I bring anything to the bar tomorrow....?

If you kept up with any of that, congrats you're just as fucking crazy as I am.

It's only been two hours and ten minutes since I've laid my head down.

I also started reading blogs about getting an agent. Granted I have to have something finished but every once in a while I get ahead of myself. So now I have the fear of not finding one or if I do not being very successful.

I don't want to be famous folks but I do want to be moderately successful so that I can continue to write and have people enjoy what I write. To quote Kate Earl from her song "All I want"

If I could touch one lonely soul

If I could heal and be so bold

To be a spark to be a light

Set one heart on fire

That’s all I ever wanted

That’s all I want

That’s all I ever really wanted

Now, before I bring up any more to think about; let me stop.

Oh, I also have a guitar.

Cupcake Prophecy

Will be making champagne cupcakes courtesy of a recipe that I found here: 52 Cupcakes. Of course I will be mixing it up my own way but we shall see what happens. Meanwhile, I get to drink Champagne!

I'm still here but not really.

I'm suffering from Ennui today.

Definition of ENNUI

: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : boredom

Examples of ENNUI

1. ennui that comes from having too much time on one's hands and too little will to find something productive to do>

Origin of ENNUI

French, from Old French enui annoyance, from enuier to vex, from Late Latin inodiare to make loathsome — more at annoy

First Known Use: 1732

 

So, here's something from one of my favorite bands. I'm going to go to the library, search for jobs, write and cook dinner.

It's just the right amount of awkward

Ever since I quit my job a month ago I have been thinking of this blog. I have been writing posts in my head and have sadly not been posting them.

SO. This is just a small reminder that I am in fact alive. I am writing and have just completed Chapter 8. Despite what Chuck says, I'm quite proud of my "zombie" story. When I finished Chapter 8 on Sunday-Monday (I hadn't slept) I felt so energized that I only went to bed at 8:30 in the morning.

Have I mentioned that I hate Corporate America yet I can't stop dreaming about my old job.

It's enough to give someone the heebie jeebies.

Anyhoo...I've been reading, playing dragon age, writing, doing errands, baking and most important drinking. I hope to God I don't end up with a weird drinking problem if I ever lift myself from the ranks of unemployed.

On a separate but also important note....how are you guys?

sigh

So tomorrow is going to be a big day because I have a very scary decision to make that I'm ready to make. So all I ask is for the 11 followers to actually give a shout out to their high being for me.

I've been panicking all day. I woke up on the edge of a panic attack. The messed up thing was I thought I was doing better with those. The meds should've regulated that and the months in therapy should have given me some sort of strength to deal with this, but you know what? This is situational and since it's been a very long time since I've started feeling/doing the repetitious movements and the clenching/unclenching of fists as well as the racing thoughts, pain in  the chest, can't catch my breath, want to disappear, having an extra beer because tomorrow cannot be faced actions that it's foreign to me.

I will be fine though because I have to be. I will be fine because I need to be. I will be fine because I want to be.

My husband is being super-supportive and I'm trying to be as upbeat as I can about that but with the bad day and the fact that I sprained my ankle (again! same foot in the past 11 years) has been trying. But, I love him and he loves me and we'll make it.

I just felt the need to vent, sorry that this isn't entertaining or mood lifting. I guess I can try to regale you with something:

My new bartender: "Hey, what do you call that useless skin around a penis?"
Me: (very confused and wary) - what?
My new bartender : A man!

Low ceiling moves in and circles the bay

I forgot what I hate about moving. It's not just the actual packing or the lungfuls of long forgotten skin particles that fly out from behind the couch, it is the actual physical process of looking for a new place.

I'm picky. Let's face it (well maybe you don't have to face it, just recognize it) and I have specifics for where I want to live. I was poor until I was 8, so I my issues are more of a reflection of who I don't want to become rather than who I was. Anyway, I don't want to live in a neighborhood full of rundown stores, drunks and crazy homeless cats. I'm crazy with a book addiction so there needs to be bars and bookstores near by. There needs to be trains and decent supermarkets and for the love of God, there needs to be a diversity in the neighborhood and not one crazy European Sect of Insane. IF it was two that would be fine however it is too homogeneous for my liking.

I imagine that I will be doing a lot of walking.

I also hate having to explain the reasons why I'm moving.

I've never stayed in one house/apartment for longer than four years. I don't know why but it's true. 4 1/2 years seems to be the max. We moved around a lot as a kid. When my mother was dating my now step-dad, we stayed in an apartment in Middle Village for 4 years before moving to a house for another 4 1/2. Rather I was there for that long, my parents are still there with the littlest of my clan. I have a wanderlust that is alternatively squelched by - now well-controlled- panic attacks and the lack of funding. And the reticence of the hubster about leaving his job and NYC.

Which I get.

I also hate the idea of neighbors. I don't like them, I don't want to know them and I sure as hell don't want to pretend like I give a shit about anything they are saying.  NOT to say that I'm a bad person and wouldn't be friends with a neighbor but it has been my experience that people living in buildings are exceedingly noisy or  just plain rude. I will say 'good morning', 'have a good night' or 'thanks' but I will not pry into whether or not they are leasing or buying.

I also don't like anyone else's noise by my own.

When did I become a curmudgeonly old Korean war vet?

Probably on my second beer and third hot dog.

I also just a read book that I've been waiting a year for and it not only underwhelmed me but also completely frustrated me.

I'm also afraid to write, sleep and continue playing Red Dead.

Yeah, I know.

On another note that is both less misanthropic and happier...

I got nothing.

I think I need a nap.

Any good tiding's from the world outside of mine?

I don't like Tuesday's

It's probably not a good sign when the first thing you do when you get home is kick your shoes off, drop your purse and mail down and then go to the bottles of wine that are on your kitchen counter, unscrew one and pour yourself a tall glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, prop open your latest paranormal romance and pray that you'll win the lottery or that someone will realize your potential because God only knows when you will.

Or it could mean you have a drinking problem but I'm willing to bet that I don't.

So today sucked and with the weather gathering up to vomit poisoned water down on us, the prospect of a sunny beautiful week has turned both dismal and pretty much improbable. It's cold, gusty, muggy and with the amount of crazy hormones running through my body I'm vacillating between wanting to disappear beneath a cloud of blankets or taking everyone down with me.

It sucks to be a girl.

Book Peddler is finally up. So all you semi-literate and faithful followers should take a gander over there. If not, well, you don't have to but know that you've made the baby Jesus weep and five small adorable puppies. Oh, and you've probably let the crazy people win.

Don't let them win.

The hubsters birthday is on Thursday. He wants something quiet. Total opposite of me. It's amazing the differences between people that have decided to remain with each other for there duration of their natural lives. I would want all my friends around so that I could bask in their love and hopefully eradiate that shite right back out to them. Hubster wants to just chill with me.

God I hope these hormones go away before then. Otherwise I'm liable to be sobbing into my bottle of Merlot.

Has anyone missed the SNL that was on last week. It was one of the best for awhile. Oh Betty White you are a national treasure.

That's all for now f-f-f-f-f-f-olks.

silence

Between betty white, bomb scares and book peddling I've been a little busy and therefore haven't really updated. However, I'm alive and will be updating shortly with something other than this which is nothing but a glamorized twitter feed.

I shall leave you with this:

A little SNL for you

Hilarious

"Peter I have a mammogram in the morning"

Oh Family Guy!

Ok, so I don't have a mammogram in the morning.....I do have a doctor's appt tomorrow after work, which sucks because I'm broke and co-pays are slightly evil....but anyhoo....this weekend was amazing. So amazing that Monday is becoming more and more like that disease that you hope that you never get but you are at high risk for it. That disease is called work.

How I wish I had been immunized at an early age.

No new revelations have been made this weekend. I mean yes, it was my anniversary this weekend which was awesome but I meant in my "world" news. Other than the oil spills, the bomb scare and the fact that Jamba Juice on 6th Ave doesn't have an Orange Juice machine that worked - there's nothing going on.

What I will tell you is that The Snug is a decent bar, it was hot and I'm drinking a Magic Hat #9 while hoping that the combination of Sam Adams, Coors Light and Magic don't leave me in a state of reckoning tomorrow.

It's Summer Time though and I'm feeling manic. I mean who doesn't? The call of the cooled down wind after a scorcher of an afternoon. You can smell the undertones of earth and moisture with the heady overtones of promise and moonlight. Poetic but true.

I am starting work on The Book Peddler - my other blog - and still working on Zombie Love. Let's hope that one of those things can be a success within the next couple of months.

And on that note...later skaters.

Making One Year - the Cusacks

Tomorrow I have been successfully married for one year. Successfully I say because I am not divorced, dissatisfied or pregnant. Not that pregnancy is a sign of an unsuccessful marriage, it was just one of the items I had on my list entitled "Top Ten Things Not To Do While Married For the First Year". Yeah, it's a mouthful.

But I'm happy, he's happy and I am going to give him the best anniversary present ever. hee hee. No, it's not a baby.

Anyhoo - have a great weekend bitches :D

On why Facebook is weird

Facebook is a scary scary scary place at times. I would just like to take a moment to point that out.

Why?

Well, remember those kids in high school that you were friends with for a whole of 12 months and then, because high school is the land of hormones, misunderstandings, betrayals and petty jealousies, these 'friends' stopped talking to you and made your life a living hell (even if you were the innocent party, the fact of the matter is that three or four of them ganged up on you because you wouldn't back down)? Oh, this doesn't make sense to anyone but me?

Sorry.

Anyhoo - Facebook is the land of second chances as well. those 'friends' who would tease you, freeze you and ultimately try to make you go insane have now forgotten what they have done to you and suddenly want to be your best friend again. It's sometimes very sickening (puke worthy), sometimes cathartic (for both parties) and most of the time, for the first few months, it's just downright strange.

It's weird when Mean Girls want to be BFF's. However, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance...and by everyone I mean people that haven't committed a crime so heinous that it doesn't involve scrotum snipping or perineum paralysis.

So for all those that have the memory of a goldfish, I say sure, I'll friend you and so will the Guild of Traumatized and Hesitant Adults. You know what, sometimes it's great to be back in touch with those that have shunned you in high school. Other times, it's just nice to know that you've turned out nicer, better-looking and most likely saner than them.

On turning a different age and the perils of eating wax...

'allo Gentle Readers -

I have turned a 27 as of yesterday at 5:24pm. I am an Aries with a Libra rising and an Aquarius Moon. I like to relax with a beer and a book and I love new music, sweets, baking and Mexican food. I've been trying to finish a novel since High School, in which it is quite possible that I have reached my peak, and I like to snuggle against my husband like I'm a cat (to which he doesn't always respond well because I am tall and sort of bony). What does any of that mean?

Nothing really. 24 hours doesn't change you. I don't feel older or younger, I don't feel wiser or more naive or whatever. I simply feel - warm. Not just the weather (in which it has been the nicest it has ever been since I was about 9) but because my husband loves me, my sisters love me, my parents tolerate me (hee hee?) and my friends like me. Facebook, the artificial generator of friendship, actually made me feel good. I think, this may have been the second birthday in a long time in which I wasn't very very depressed.

Now, wax. As it is almost impossible to not imbibe wax when the candles on are on your birthday cake, do yourself a favor and don't choke on it. It'll save you a trip to the hospital and despite what you may think, it is a not a good story to tell next year when you are eating pudding with a flameless candle. No, this never happened to me - it happened to a "friend" of mine.

Happy April guys. 


look at the stars
look how they shine for you

Mood:   -- Loved
 

Oh Yeah - bum bum

Just in time for Easter, this is the chocolate edition of best candy imo.


As a child we didn't have a lot of money so candy wasn't exactly something that was available all of the time. Chocolate was even rarer (not to make it sound like I lived during the Great Depression and we were rationed) but we had cookies and my mother would try to bake -- needless to say, when I got candy it was like living the high life (so much as any young child could ever really live the high life).


The first candy on this list is a beloved favorite even know. At one point it had the tag line, "Two for me, none for you" - which really just encouraged selfishness. Anyway, my favorite commercial was the below.




8 Twix





I can distinctly remember watching this right after 21 Jump Street, because as a three year old, about to turn four, that show was incredibly appropriate :). I also remember having a huge crush on Mr. Depp and the Asian guy whose name I can, regrettably, no longer recall -- /edit - it's Dustin Nguyen. Ah hell yeah.


 

9. M&Ms

Does anyone remember when m&m's weren't the color of rainbows? Before there were purple and blue there was  dark brown and light brown. Affectionately referred to as the shit colors. 

I have a few picture of me as a young child eating the regular m&m's and boy oh boy, I was an adorable kid.

Anyway, it wasn't until I was much older did I start loving the peanut m&ms.

10. Snickers

 

 This wrapper, found on the internet courtesty of mmemes.com , was advised to be sold a month after my birthday. I always thought this was the healthiest of the candy bars and in light of recent Snicker's campaigns where they suggest you eat this instead of a meal, one could see why. Although, best Snicker commercial ever is the recent one from Superbowl 2010. The one with Betty White. Ah hell yeah. 

I love that woman.

11. Reese's Pieces  


I will be honest, I think a lot of my love for this candy came because my mother's nickname for me at the time was Reesie. Now, I was about three or four and didn't see my mother very often, so this is more of a sentimental choice than a taste choice - although they tasted pretty damn good.


I understand now that some frakkin alien by the name of ET loved them but you know what?  I didn't know that then and when I did finally see E.T when I was like 5 and someone had a VHS, I didn't really like it. Boring as all hell. Now, if someone had popped in a tape of The Little Mermaid or Miami Vice I would've been down for that.


I believe these little candy pieces are the gateway drug to the Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups. A sort of pot to the RPPB's heroin.


That's right, I said it. I'm so excited.....I'm sooo scared.




12 PEZ


This is clearly not a chocolate bar but I loved Pez as a kid. It was a perfect combination of a chocking hazard and a toy. The candy tasted amazing as a child but now you can clearly taste the red #40 that was put into the candy. The best part was the character head that dispensed the pez.


It's actually a pretty weird toy/candy. In fact it's the only popular candy I can think of that encourages the decapitation of a person/animal/fictional character for the promise of sweet sweet salvation candy.








13. Reese's Pieces Peanut Cups

 

The crack to end all crack.

Healthcare and Switzerland

So today on facebook, there are a lot of people (mostly Republicans) that have been complaining about the healthcare bill. In all honesty, I think most of them have been brainwashed by the both wings of the media.

Most people did want it to pass, it's only that those that have the loudest voices also have more money and can afford to take silly tests and take heavily biased and weighted O'Reilly polls.

BUT: not the point.

Someone wrote something about the deficit and someone mentioned the healthcare bill is socialist.

*headdesk*

To the Defecit Comment: hate to say it but we would be stuck with that deficit no matter what. it also doesn't help that the vast majority of that money was borrowed due to poor legislation, irresponsible governance and greedy bastards for the past 8 years. So, the first stimulus plan, which raised our debt I can't really blame Obama for because it did raise the economy enough to give people confidence to invest in it again.

Healthcare adding to the defecit? Yeah, well, so does every steak dinner that our ambassadors eat when they take someone out. In all honesty though, we'll have to see. I'm happy about the passing of this bill for several reasons which I won't go into right now, but I - and you -  won't know the complete ramifications, financially, until after it has taken place.

Oh, and the deficit and the debt is only going to get larger regardless of who is in power because this is grandfathered in.

We could always put some money in one of our banks...oh wait....

Now to the Socialism point. I'm way too tired to go into an actual intelligent tirade but to point out:

Definition: Socialism is a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.

It's very close to the idea of an Utopian Society; which I think we can all agree is not what is going on in America right now.

On one hand, everyone is entitled to their opinions and just like me, can express it anyway that they want so long as it harms no one.

However,  I think my biggest pet peeve is the unenlightened comments that I see. I will be the first to admit that I haven't read the bill and only know what I've read and seen/heard. I take everything with a grain of salt but there are pieces of the bill that I like.

• I like that pre-existing conditions do not preclude you from receiving healthcare. 
• I like that people that have little means to receive health care can now receive some sort of healthcare
• I like that the top 2% of America's wealthiest will be taxed more heavily than myself on this bill, because frankly they can afford it and if anyone can give back, they can.

I could go on but frankly I'm just too tired to position myself in this argument. I just needed to vent.