Stream of consciousness but for goodness sake don't cross the streams!

I think it's getting possible that I hate blogger. I'm debating wordpress for two reasons: one it looks easier to manage with a functionality that will allow for creativity and two: most of my favorite writers have one if I want to steal a page from their book regarding success, it seems like a good idea.

Of course, how many would follow me that long trek into the good night - of the internet.

Arctic Monkeys' first album is playing, my husband is showering (and the awesome scent of his body wash is wafting out into the living room making him quite edible), I'm more than a little upset about my life choices, I'm trying to make headway into Chapter 7 (i know where I'm going but just not how to get there) and I have to worry about the 4th annual holiday party at my place on saturday. That is the painted picture of my environment/mood.

So, today sort of sucked. It did, it really did. Blatant whispers in my ear about how I should be better than I am, does not make CJ a happy person. In fact I have this latent sense of apathy that comes out every now and again it becomes a sort of spiteful outlet. It doesn't do anyone good but it feels good for about ten minutes.

And then I wake up.

Speaking of, my dreams have been pretty awesome lately.

The rest of this week workwise will suck and no, I really don't give a shit about how or if this information is disseminated. I'm tired of most of the shit that occurs around me.

On another note, I'm reading "Three Days to Dead" by Kelly Meding and very much liking it. I'm almost done and her writing reminds me of me - just not quite.

NCIS was on tonight and I'm pissed about the spoilers I've read about how there will be no Ziva/Tony action. It goes to show that Hollywood writers/creators are scared little shits when it comes to their audience. Reminds me of some people that I work with.

AND on that note. I will leave you with something a little less bitter; a little less mouth swellingly tart - there is about two more weeks of 2009 left. Enjoy it.

This will be the last time I ever do your hair

The Scissor Sisters make me want to dress up in a silver lame suit, sprinkle glitter all over myself (a la David Bowie - late 70's) and go out dancing with a bunch of random people.

Of course, I did just see a car commercial and a rum commercial, so it could be less the Scissor Sisters and more of the subliminal messages.

Open Letter to U2

Dear Bono & U2 -

Hi guys, just wanted to drop a line and see how you're doing. How's the fund-raising for Africa and AIDS and all that? Hope it's going well. I debated spending a lot of money on a poor quality GAP Red shirt and then quickly thought against it. How about we buy a shirt that is good quality and the proceeds and the shirt go to those in need? I'm sure Americans don't really need flannel/polo/wool/mock turtleneck shirt.

Anyhoo, this is besides the point. I actually applaud that you are trying to do good in the world. In fact, you may just want to focus on that.

I hate to break this to you .... and don't take this the wrong way ... but lately, your music? Well, it's been ... how do you say .... uninspiring, boring and very very amateur-ish.

Let's just take for example, Sunday Bloody Sunday from War. I know that this may not be that fair but this is an example of your songwriting skills at it's best!


Broken bottles under children's feet
Bodies strewn across the dead-end street
But I won't heed the battle call
It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall...


sigh. 


I know you were singing about Bloody Sunday in Northern Ireland and your music was a little more Irish political but JMJ! Those are some great lyrics, the imagery and the tone just....wow. It wasn't a hit for nothing guys!


Now, I'm going to compare it to a recent song off of your last album. I hate to admit it but I have no idea what the title of the album is or when it came out. You've disillusioned me boys. However, I've heard a new song from Absolute Radio and shook my head. This is from No Line on the Horizon- the song is I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight.

It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me, or are you doubting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

Um, what?

I'm not even sure that I know what that means. Why are you going crazy? Why do you need to go crazy? What light are you heading towards? I mean, you don't have to listen to me, but I don't think that's a good idea. All of the horror movies I've ever seen say specifically to step away from the light.


But hey, you're crazy or something - right?

Just...just do me a favor. Take a break to reevaluate or how about this - use your powers for good. Save a manatee, save a cookie, save a cowboy...just please stop using your waning songwriting skills...it hurts. It just hurts too goddamn much.


Signed,

A flustered fan

This is more of a post to let you know that I am alive. I have finished Chapter 5 of my Zombies, Diseases and Lurve manuscript and desperately scrambling to try and finish chapter 6. Why? I am trying to finish this before my birthday (April) so I can at least start on my goal of being a published writer before 30 (it's sooner rather than later).

And while I write, read and worry about how to tackle Borderlands....read a review. It'll make you taller!



by Georgette Heyer

I've only read two Georgette Heyer books but this is my favorite so far. It's a tale of the wicked, the innocent, the wayward and the lamb leading the wolf. I literally just finished reading it and I don't want to go into too much for fear that I will spoil it! I found Leonie to be a breath of fresh air as a character - and a woman at that! - in that time period. She is neither stupid nor completely innocent but she is young and hot tempered. She says what she thinks, wheth...more I've only read two Georgette Heyer books but this is my favorite so far. It's a tale of the wicked, the innocent, the wayward and the lamb leading the wolf. I literally just finished reading it and I don't want to go into too much for fear that I will spoil it! I found Leonie to be a breath of fresh air as a character - and a woman at that! - in that time period. She is neither stupid nor completely innocent but she is young and hot tempered. She says what she thinks, whether she should or no, and her absolute loyalty to a man that the world refers to as Satanas is a little startling but speaks to the fierceness of her character. Justin is the older gentleman, Leonie's "warder" and the one who sets up a game that ends with a poetic justice that leaves the reader as excited as Leonie is when she learns what happens. Justin's past is as dark and clouded as his reputation. While he may play the part of the dandy (by his clothes) he is quite like a wolf. Beautiful to look at and watch as they pounce but dangerous in his hunting and swift takedown. He is considered the omniscient one yet he doesn't fully realize just how much Leonie's loyalty is wrapped in a love that they both don't fully comprehend. This book is darker than Friday's Child but the dialogue is amazing, the action makes for a page-turner and the eventual reveal of their emotions is like a complicated piece of classical music that you can't comprehend how difficult it is because it sounds beautiful and by darn, they make it look easy. If you are a fan of historical fiction with a bent of romance, Heyer is truly one of the masters. She has paved the way for both Lauren Willig's The Secret History of the Pink Carnation and the mystery romance of Deanna Raybourn's seriesSilent In The Grave.

Tiny tiny excerpt from Chapter 5.

Even as a large part of her knew that it wasn’t her fault, that none of her choices would’ve stopped Ellie, she couldn’t help the weakness that exploded over her.

                Tomorrow or the day after, Saturday if she was lucky, Ellie would be dead. It had been nothing but fate that had brought them together again and somewhere in the back of her mind she thought that she would have more time with a woman who was more like a mother to her than her own blood.

                Years and moments didn’t stop for anyone and as she sat in the driver’s seat of her military issued black car, she allowed the tears of months, minutes and decades to fall.

Whoo hoo!

I have finished chapter four and have started on chapter five and the draft is starting to look like a manuscript which means at some point in time it may actually look like a book!

YAY!

And now a treat for me, and from me, to you.

Wednesday

It's been one of those weeks where I just assume that it is one day ahead of the day we are actually in. This means that these passing days are days for screw-ups and confusions with a dash of 'holy shit'.

I need a hobby that doesn't isolate me. However, I don't like meeting new people by myself. It makes me uncomfortable and puts me on edge and I only do it when I am in a situation in which I'm forced. I am not good at forcing myself to do much other than make sure that I get out of bed and into the shower before work.

Does this mean that I have no drive?

You know - I don't know. I guess that might answer that question if one wants to look deeply.

However, this mood, or rather these reflections, happen to me every time the seasons change. Though I like fall, when the night begins to come too quickly and there isn't enough sun to either warm or lift me, I become a touch maudlin. I begin to wonder whether I should reread Poe or Shelley. I dig myself deeper into my apartment and fantasize about being something or doing something that I probably never will. My fault is that I have become too attached to security. I crave it like a babe craves milk. Not really having it as a child I seek it out as an adult even if within the arms of security I'm bound to be my own destructor.

See, Maudlin.

On another note. I have started to overcome my Chapter 4 writer's block. For the past couple of years, after high school and the days that I like to call my "Golden Prolific Years", I write a story and it's good but it gets stalled at Chapter 4. That's about the same time as my confidence wavers and I begin to doubt whether 1- I can actually write well enough to get published 2 - whether anyone is interested in reading what I wrote and
3- can I actually finish this? Do I have enough faith in my characters and my ability to string sentences together to actually finish this?

I guess this time I have a little more faith than previously. So I continue with my "Zombie" story and mix in elements of horror and romance and hope that the final baked product is edible.

Mood : Indescribable
Music: In For the Kill - La Roux