don't compromise what's gold for the soul you never sold
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time
-David Bowie, Changes
It's almost 7:30 on a Wednesday night and I have been put through hoops, rings of fire, twisted lanes and brambly thorned labyrinths for the past 13 days. I finally cracked last week.
It takes a lot for me to crack. I might get annoyed easy but it takes months, years and several abuses for me to finally breakdown. It takes that breakdown to finally say enough.
I've said "enough." Not like that stupid J.Lo movie but professionally - I too the mature way and spoke up and hoped for the best, putting it out on the line and hoping I wouldn't have to act on my original bet.
And now I'm walking a weird path with the moon half-hidden by the storm soaked clouds awaiting just a little bit of light to let me know that the world is all right and I'll be all right in it.
Meaning...for those who are tired of the purple prose...that I'm moving to a different place in the same company. I'm excited but nervous.
Ch-cha-cha-changes. Thank you Mr. Bowie, sometimes you're spot on.
Which brings me to the epicenter of change. It's necessary for survival and it is absolutely necessary for the most elusive of the human desire - 'to live'. Change can be terrifying, it can be elusive, it can be quick and it can be gradual. Sometimes Change is an act you force upon yourself, sometimes it happens and very rarely is it a combination of both.
I haven't written anything in months. I'm stuck on chapter 7 and that's bugging the shit out of me. The publishing world is changing and slowly but surely the glut of books hitting the market, hitting the market, hell hitting the niche that I write in will taper off. I can't tell if I will be happier when that happens or not.
Life is rapidly fluctuating, whether it is or good or bad, who can say? It's a statement not a rumination.
There's a lot to learn, a lot to experience, a lot to love. It seems a shame to wait for a Change to happen.
The Changes that happen are usually never good. Bad news, deaths, job loss, tidal waves...think "Anema" by Tool.
You have to have the balls to stand up and make the Changes, to demand that life - that force that is bound only by the rules that humans have put upon it - give you something other than the ability to sit there and contemplate "what could be"
You've got to take it and I think I've learned a little about how to stop being scared and to do it. Fear and Change drink at the same bar, even if they aren't bar mates.
What's the point of this stone cold sober ramble of nowhere near epic preportions? Not much. Just maybe that life shouldn't be viewed from the backseat of the car. Try to get up to the passenger seat and then eventually become the driver...oh forego the damn car analogy and just fucking do something other than what you hate your doing now.
Till next time.
it's a bull...shit....three ... ring