I have this weird thing where little old men that 1. wear little cabbie hats 2. bermuda type shorts 3. tall black socks and 4. walk hunched over, are, in my mind, the cutest thing in the world. Some people have puppies. Some have kittens, I have little old men . They look like tiny little boys as if they are somehow de-aging. Not only are they becoming smaller but they are becoming wrinkled, hunched over, crotchety and cheap old men. So adorable. I just want to pinch their cheeks.
I believe I'm one of like ten people in the world who think that. My husband thinks I'm insane (but really, what else is new?) and one of my co-workers just doesn't understand (she doesn't like old people).
Now Old People in general (not the capital O and the capital P) are very weird creatures. When you lump them into one giant category, you wonder to yourself, holy shit - that'll be me in a few decades and 'God, I hope I don't think it's fashionable to wear pantyhose and sandals'. Also, what's up with the whole talking to yourself thing? I hope that when I'm old enough to not remember if I'm talking out loud, I'm at least entertaining. I mean, I have a lot of respect for old people (and I wish America did) but I do have a limit and that is muttering to yourself about a fight that you got into thirty years before with someone who is most likely dead OR muttering to yourself about why the new young sales associate at Key Food gyped you on twenty cents when you know that liver is really 1.99 a pound and not 2.19.
However - Old People. Keep. on. Trucking.
Now, on to Sweden.
Oh Sweden, how I forgot how wonderful you are. Or rather, how amazing you are. You give us crazy Americans a plentitude of things that are great and which humble us.
Have you ever watched a man from Brooklyn who is an art major try to put together a table from Ikea? Watch as he grunts, swears, bleeds and and curses your great land. How you humble him so.
Have you ever seen a bunch of college kids drunk off their asses from Svedka (the cheaper, but just as delicious, alternative to Absolut) and orange juice? Knowing that the amount of acid in OJ is just begging their stomachs to halt parastalsis and head the other way?
Perhaps you've seen a group of people in their mid-twenties and up getting a little drunk off your Absolut? Oh, how you make our mouths water with the vast options of flavors. Mango, Pear, Peach, VANIL! But, seriously, if you could step over here a minute, yeah thanks, no, watch out for the Billy bookcase, ok. Now, just one question. Which jagoff decided it was a good idea to make a fucking pepper vodka? Seriously that shit is really only good for the young, the stupid and the chefs. Oh. Southern women. Bloody Mary's? Oh. *cough* ok. Well, see, I feel chagrined. That's gotta be close to humble, right?
Oh Sweden. You have lit up our lives here in dreary America. For that. I salute you. I have to. I just finished my absolut vanil and pineapple.